Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! The guys who come Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. I'll let you beat me. If you drink, dont drive. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? Noah. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. ~ Sijin Bt. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Its just really hard to play. ~ Victor Hugo. P.G. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Why do golfers hate cake? USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. In case he gets a hole in one. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. 2. So, what are your thoughts? Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Basketball is a sport for black men. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Drop some in the comments! "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Nay! Bruce Lansky, Author. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. Twelfth son of the Lama. Keep your head down. It was glorious when you did! I give the ball some sweet talk. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Whos there? Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. Why a carrot as a logo? Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. P.G. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. They expect to succeed! Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. Spread your legs a little more. Look at the size of his putter. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. They have a hard drive. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. "I'm the best. - Bobby Jones Sir W.G. You are signed up for our newsletter! Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. happen again! Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Whos there? Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Putter Around. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. 8. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Why don't golfers ever eat pie? I chipped in from the rough! Oh my God, what have I just said?". GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. I stepped on a rake. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. I'm Tiger Woods. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. You swing left and the ball goes right. Is everything okay?. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. "Hockey is a sport for white men. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. The Dalai Lama himself. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. "Golf is like a love affair. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Happy Gilmore. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. Why are golf and sex so similar? "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Big pupils lead to big scores. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? I had a hole in nothing. Are you a water hazard? Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Sawdust City LLC. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. Have fun. 1. This post may contain affiliate links. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. The means are as important as the ends. In the Golf of Mexico! Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. Check it out now! What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. 5. There is no such thing as a natural touch. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. At the golf corpse! A fan in the crowd said Mr. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. 4. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Two, be your own person. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Required fields are marked *. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Your email address will not be published. Fantastic 4-some. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! After 18 holes, I can barely walk. The smile looks really good on you. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. In case he gets a hole in one. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. Required fields are marked *. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. And it matters how we go about attaining them. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? For true success, it matters what our goals are. Your email address will not be published. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? When your golf cart capsizes. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. Which is the easiest golf stroke? "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Tiagra. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. 6. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. I was actually enjoying it. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. I never prayed that I would make a putt. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Choose The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing.
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