military aviation jokes

Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. Co-Pilot: What?!. Eat up! Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. They all originally set out to become Marines. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". A military private saying I learned this in boot camp 1. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. 39. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. 5. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? SUB sandwiches! In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Why won't you kiss me? Ocean Pearl, I answered. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Its a NO FLY zone! Thats Daddy. A PETTY officer! It was sheer brilliance. USA: Choppers 13. Fish Food. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Speed is life. The Marine said Are you crazy? 29. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. 10. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. 35. Theres a post recall and he went to work. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. He thought he would be home about 13:30. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Why were the Marines invented? Even his son turned up. Landings are mandatory. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. What do hungry Marines eat? You divertyour course! Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. If it doesnt move, pick it up. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Takeoffs are optional. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Air Traffic Control 6. You had tents?" When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Marine: Wait, stop. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. You had tents?, USAF: Birds P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Me: Hello? It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Im 81 years old, he answered. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. ! And )second 33. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. 9. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Decodes 7. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Caller: OK. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. DeFrigNo! USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. 11. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. The reason? The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. A drill serGENTLEMEN! The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. What are you doing? I asked. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. He nodded. Fish Food. Of course, he responded. Proceed at your own risk. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Eternal Piece . Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Did it work? One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Ocean Pearl, I answered. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. Killed bin Laden. Read more. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. A Recruiter Misled You. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? 28. USMC: OHH! The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Divert your course NOW! A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Learn from the mistakes of others. 16. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Where are you from? The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). Long Haul Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. No, we dont, she said. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. Stay out of clouds. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. Its not weak, he replied. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. She also liked her scotch. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. I was very nervous, she said. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. We recommend our users to update the browser. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. At least SEVEN Cs! The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. We were a tough group. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Me: Still the wrong number. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". How tough? Caller: Is Sgt. He says, Anyway, enough about me. Return to Humor Index. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? When Is Military Appreciation Month? All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Looking for military boot camp jokes? This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Whats an LMD? I asked. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. SUB sandwiches! Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. How old are you? a tenant asked. Do you have change for a dollar? He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. 5. 11. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. This happened several times times throughout the flight. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. 65. 1. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. Military 3. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? OHH OHOH! Caller: Is Sgt. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Me: No, I dont. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). What happened Sergeant? He had the same plane as yours. Me: No. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Full Disclosure Here. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. 3. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? 49. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. They bagged six. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!

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