moving in with mom after dad died

So as if all of this is not bad enough now he tells me that she is gunna move into his house. Mom put to death at her own request after murdering her 5 kids This story has been shared 97,343 times. He may be able to fulfill some of the emptiness he has felt and may feel he at least has a purpose to continue his life. Hes only been dating her 3 months and Ive just been told he will be bringing her to visit when he sees us over the summer. Does it still affect my life? Anytime my sister and I would try to talk about mother to reminisce, she would kick my father under the table, and he would be silent. Do we allow them to take the girls but have no relationship with us? It was a very difficult 10-12 years. I thought my feelings of anger and hurt were unfounded. And just like your FIL, my dad goes and spends incredible amounts of time with this woman, and my mom had to beg for any time she got from my dad. I don't want to scare you, but you'll be surprised at how things will fade with time. Your story could be my life story. I just pray so much that the lady he is dating is the woman she says she is and that she and I can find a way to bond over common interests. Throughout life, you will be pushed to your limits, and each time, it will feel like it cant possibly get any worse, butmore often than not, it will. You guessed it. I think he is lost and being stupid. It has been 14 years full of ups and downs, and all of us kids have had a tumultuous relationship with my dad. She just turned 80, and while she is mobile and able to do for herself, she suffers chronic pain from spinal stenosis. They have always fought and split all through the years vowing never to speak again. I know it is 2017 now, and I too have lost my mother and have a 76 year old father who was comforted by a lady 10 years older than I and 10 younger than he, but no one can really understand the pain that comes in seeing your father with another woman after 55 years of marriage. He is depressed because he has been abandoned by her and takes it out on me. It is so very hurtful. I WAS SO RELIEVED!! Then eventually we would relent. We enjoyed many of the same things, and we were eager to try some new ones. When she wants him she gets him when shes bored she dumps him back only occasionally staying at his house. Out of my siblings, I was the only one physically involved in the day-to-day care of my mother, so their understanding is limited. My parents were married for 29 years, and I am the oldest in the family (28) of three children. Not giving him a chance. Her and I had a petty argument on something so stupid. Im so greatful to have found this website. What is wrong with you. I miss my husband everyday and would love for my son to be able to grow up with his father, but I know my husband would want for my son to grow up with a happy mother. She was sick for 17 months. I have basically lost my mother, father and sister who is too afraid to stand up to dad and have no parents. I told him hes wrong for that. I once believed for a while she loved him rather than he was useful to her but unfortunately I no longer can receive solace from this idea. This whole matter has made me sick and disgusted. We are all somewhat scarred from all weve been through. there is a minor child living with them, my grandchild. Wake up, Bob!. When I confronted him about it, he asked if I was on my period. I feel resentment towards him cause He didnt even contribute at my mothers funeral. I certainly dont want to run his life. He didnt tell any of us- he just did it. I believe in family values. I cannot emphasise enough that there may well be a case of self-preservation here. The picture he showed me showed a beautiful girl that looks about 19. I feel your pain. Those are my personal beliefs and I feel though she is gone she is still with me. Are you willing to share yours? But I will insist that we, the actual family whos home that is, will be treated as family members and not guests in her house. On him or may be happy for grieving over and dating as caretaker but. I dont understand her and I never will. My family and I are working through grieving my mother who died in spring of 2015 after an 18 month battle with an aggressive form of cancer. I feel the sadness of never having met my husbands father and that there is a grandfather my children never knew. For me, its not about replacing his wife or her presence in the family. You cant reward him with private visits with his grandchildren while he ignores his own daughter. As it has only been 5 months since they lost their mother, their father has starting seeing another woman. Ironic that what motivated me to try to forgive was the fact I did not want him to be alone. Its driving me crazy. My sister & I cry many times throughout the day. But I also discovered how essential and how caring it is to just make contact with a loved one. Spend lots of time with her. After my father passed away, I promised myself I wouldn't continue to live my life in the background; I would do substantial things with my life and make every moment count. I understand and accept that. For (mostly) financial reasons, my brother and I are still living with my father while we attend college. I put him off saying how about a rain check. Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on, to grow. She may start getting rid of. I live too far away. And another thing that I've found very important is to let her remember, and when her memories start making her sad, try - through how you speak to her and interact with her - to turn them into something to be treasured and happy for. For So Long, I Had Larry in My Ear In an exclusive clip from Hulus Stolen Youth docuseries, Larry Ray survivor Felicia Rosario opens up about the impact of his gaslighting. I just read the most recents posts.If you read this and think you can give me advice, please do. Now, almost 4 months later they are still together. I feel like Im being emotionally abandoned all over again and Im 50. But guess what? Its up to him. A few months later, my first relationship ended and I was very sick for three months with Mono. Hes doing it now. My mom was vivacious and full of laughter and life. He only started dating after a few years (well, to what we know and thats fair in my eyes). Yes thats right 9hours could be more. Then in 2013 my parents came to live in my home. Take up a club, but dont take my dad now that my mom just died. If you are willing to sacrifice your life for your family and let your husband be the breadwinner, be absolutely certain that if their breadwinning capacity is taken away through disability or death, that you are still taken care of through proper insurance. He sent them to an auction house. She has posted it on her Facebook, and texted my Dad about it. So, she has no concept of what it is like to be a grandmother and quite frankly I hope she never has any biological grandchildren as she doesnt deserve to be a grandmother. After a year my sister got a call begging her to pick him up immediately as basically she was kicking him out. Moving on with life as he says. She wants to do this even before the estate is settled. I feel that he needs to take time and adjust to his new life before he brings someone else into it. Brother will also owe the estate or trust, the PRs reasonable attorneys fees. I really have no bad feelings for her, I am just hurt and mad at my dad for putting my family and me through this. She lived a distance away but was staying at the house 10 weeks after Mum died; I was 13. This has helped him considerably, realizing that there are more people that depend on him than he thought, and how important he is to people. He hasnt known this woman very long. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. I was still uncomfortable, but slightly more accepting of the situation because (1) a little more time had passed since my mothers death, (2) the new girlfriend was actually my fathers age, and (3) at one point my father had said: Dont worry, she doesnt have any kids!. They analyze all of their failed relationships, reminisce, and learn about each other more deeply. He sees my distress and is powerless to act. This took its toll and the widower ended the relationship. Dad has us get rid of Moms clothes the very weekend of her funeral. Even if you are the nicest person ever it will be really difficult. As I said, I caught him weeping at his wedding reception and it didnt appear to be because he was happy about getting remarried. Read a book, watch a movie, a ballgame, get online, visit a friend or family member. My Mom died December 7, 2008 after a 4 year fight with bone cancer. Coping with vascular dementia. I pray every day for my Mother and for acceptance. As I reflect on the past five years, I've remembered some things and forgotten others; I've grown; I've surprised myself in a lot of ways. Trebalo bi da konsultujete svog lekara pre poetka primene bilo kog preparata, kao i da ga obavestite ukoliko neki preparat ve koristite. She doesnt like to be taken care of, but loves to take care of her family. He and his lady friend caught me completely off guard within weeks of my mothers death when they attempted to solicit my blessings on an intimate relationship they stated they wanted to pursue. Giggling and judging other people to make themselves feel superior. I know my mom would want me to be a part of my dads life but its so hard for me to accept it. Incidentally, upon hearing I had taken the pills my father said two things. Alex's oldest son, 26-year-old Buster, was not killed alongside his mother and younger brother, and the Netflix docuseries doesn't explain where he was when his loved It is so unspeakably insensitive to tell people that the pain and grief they are dealing with could be worse. Without warning years later she sneakily bought her own house. Someone help me with this. My brother and I are still grieving the loss of our mother 4 months ago. Alexandra Eitel graduated from the Edmund A. Walsh School of Foreign Service at Georgetown University with a degree in International Affairs, with a focus on China. Mum died at 56 and would be 90 if she had lived.I have lived with this situation for so many years. I hope that when the end comes I can finally move on. He had made plans to go out with a group of people and asked what I thought he should do I think he was nervous. At times, my Dad will bring up being buried next to my Mom. By letting go, you are taking control of your life rather than letting your emotions control you. Hi guys, im super late to this post but just thought id share my experiences. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in your situation. Please Open the Door and the path to a new relationship, to a new future together as a family. It's normal, but it's unhealthy if you're sitting by yourself for hours, allowing yourself to draw deeper and deeper into that mindset. Its weird watching a 72 year old man act like a 14 year old. His depression has been lessening considerably because of it. He goes to dancing every Tues night. Remind her she's still got family, that she's not alone. Our widow and her melatonin at times both my heart issues. He bullied me into selling them, yet I never even talked with anyone to sell them. My dad and his girlfriend kinda wait for my granny to die, then he moves her right in after making me get rid of my dog who then also dies in his new home suddenly. Some of you are just beginning the grieving process with very painful sentiments of loss and you need time to heal. They never lived together the occational wknd away or at the cottage and she said she would never sleep in my mothers bed so if she came to spend the night, it was in the spare room. Within weeks of her death a woman who had been a school friend of my mothers who would show up maybe twice a year or say she would visit and then not bother, phoned to offer a shoulder to cry on. Looking back, I know I fought my own demons when coming to terms with her dying and then her death. I simply have no interest whatsoever in this woman. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. We maintain the house, pay all the bills and its our home. The worse she behaves and is allowed to behave by my father the more sorry he feels for her that she is disliked by so many from the shop assistants she abuses to both his and her families. I think he can now begin to start processing his grief over my moms death (we have just now passed the three month mark since her funeral.) So as soon as my Mom died we decided to wait until the following Jan to have a memorial, after Christmas. I have lost my father, and she couldnt care less about anyone but herself. Its been over 3 months since she passed and it still feels like I relive it at least once a day. Two years is not nearly as long as many people might think when it relates to the loss of a loved one. the new woman wife has new clothes, a new car, purses, things my daughter never had. There is a 4 year age difference between them as we lost 2 babies due to miscarriage. My father is with this person every single day & calls him at least 3 times a day. Ahh, this hurts It feels moms memory is being tarnished and I want to make things right. And without a doubt, it will affect the lives of our children even more profoundly. It is a conscious choice. It's very healthy to share these feelings with a loved one. I, as a father of young children FOR WHOM I AM RESPONSIBLE, have to be sensitive to the fact that it may be longer for them than for me. Now my sister and I are back to work and doing as well as we can be doing, I guess. Maybe Im being childish and selfish but a dying wish for a wife of 42 years should be honored dont you think? Having to have chemo weekly with only a few breaks in between, left her very ill during the process. This is my Dads oldest brother and his wife. Dad went thru surgery and treatment and is now cancer free. She would show him her new necklace or have him smell his perfume (not on her wrist) right in front of me. I hope in time you will be able to move on with the full support and blessing of those around you. I have learned to expect nothing and be greatful if something more is given. I feel exactly as you have written. Your choice. I cant say what it is that makes parents cast off their responsibilities towards those left behind but this website is a testament to the fact that they do. When I asked him why, he said he told her that he had been talking to a friend of his and my moms since the funeral, and that they were going to get together. It eats away at me every single day. I dont think he was very tactful when he delivered the news of our engagement to them, and I dont think that they expected that he was going to propose after 2 1/2 years, why not? These are the only options I see and it is a tragedy that they all mean the most pain is experienced, as always, by the innocent party. AND my dad is now the proud owner of two hens in his backyard, as well as a 2 burner outdoor stove for cooking pho broth.. Basically who is he?!? Everyone in the community remembers my Mom and tells me what a sweet lady she was and for that I am grateful that people have such fond memories of her. I have 2 older sisters. Try going to the movies, the shooting range, yoga, a football game, the aquarium, or some other activity that she loves. That would not be my idea of telling those who are angry, devastated, confused and yes feeling it is wrong, disrespectful and hurting the very person you say you want to make happy in the end, DOES CLASS AND DECENCY RIGHT A BELL IN YOUR INCONSIDERATE AND SELFISH MIND? Im and always had been very very close to my parents, especially my mom. Think of it like she's moving into a new home and you're helping her - she doesn't just have the money right away; there's a deposit and the movers and you have to set up the new place and eventually you will get there, but not in one day. I never realized how much paperwork you have to do when someone dies. We not only lost my mom this year, but we lost my grandma (his mother), my brother in law, and my aunt (his sister). Not by talking to him doing that means you have to let him talk back or pretend he is tired or distracted or not well or busy or whatever it takes to not listen (most likely piling guilt on you). No one will understand what we widows/ers go thru unless you walk in our shoes. I believe that you could give the other person a chance to get to know them, isolation doesnt help in any way. My mom had known for a while but didnt want me to find out because she wanted me to finish school. Dads drinking and acting like a nut with this woman. And I saw her mugshots-she was smiling in one of them. I think he expects both the families to just blend together like the Brady bunch and I dont think thats ever going to happen. My mom has lived on her own since my dad died in 2017, first in a seniors retirement community, now in her own condo. It is the next normal step n a solid relationship, but it is not in their view. I love my dad and he is a great dad but hes not handling this well and hes a crappy husband. If you can find it in your heart to open yourself up to get to know your fathers new girlfriend better and strive to establish a real friendship with her, then you will also open the opportunity to accept her as the individual she is, and not a replacement for your mother. But I'm also paying for a phone too. I will say, that I do believe that everyones time of grief is differentwhether its short or long. I can tell you these are things from which you cannot recover even if you are able to forgive. He is only thinking of himself. Inside is immaculate. We have to live it the best we can and not have regrets later on. Recently, she took out a stack of cards she had received over the course of the pandemic and told me how she looks at them and rereads them all the time. Then in the late to early 2016 my Mom started loosing weight, Then she went to a gastric doctor who did test after test and said he saw nothing. We have tried talking to her about it and voiced our concerns. My new GF is so understanding and does not want to replace my wife. She took some wrinkle cream back to the shop when she was about 85 to complain it had not worked. Not like my dad would have wanted it, but thats how it will have to be. It absolutely makes me feel like Im not wanted. We have to look outside ourselves, our own feelings, we cant control how anyone feels, but we can control our actions and we can work on ourselves and challenge ourselves to do something uncomfortable ( especially for your dad) he has done so much for you , for your family, for your late mother or loved one. She had fallen out of love with my dad a long time ago, she had told me, but I was worried about who would take care of her. I cant have him without his girlfriend, but it hurts to be around her. He may feel he will win long term because you either accept her or lose him. My only advice to any of you dealing with a similar situation is to always calmly and truly speak your mind, dont let things go unsaid. He has never really been there financially even when my mother was alive, but I used to think its because He has lots of kids & He will one day change. This hurt because I have just lost my mom and now Im losing my dad. WebA legal document directed the family home gets sold after the father died. He says something but doesnt always reassure through his actions. She and my dad were married for over 54 years and had the picture of a beautiful, loving marriage, one that any couple would aspire to have. Its like its no longer convient for him to do that. I believe that I am a good, caring person who loves their father and only want the best for them, if they only will give me a chance. I only met the D and the S 18 on one occasion. I will never tell them their feelings dont matter. My dad dropped the issue. My father has now moved in with his girlfriend and lives in her house. Does your mother want and/or need you to move in? Every mans dream, right? He always worked or had something to do. I have been so shocked to read that so many daughters do not support their fathers happiness. We toured , we ate , we relaxed we connected again and again. Had she been a kind woman and shown any caring it would be different. My parents did everything with my husband and I. Who do they call when something tears up? She was diagnosised with pancreatic cancer and only lived for 20 monthsthose 20 months were so hard on her. It's always hard to deal with the loss of your parents.Im so sorry for your loss. My mother and biological father died within two months of each o Im not saying she should never move on but at least give it more time and no I dont want to meet your new friend as she puts it and no I dont think I ever will. It has gotten in the way of my grieving somewhat, but I am sure to take time for myself and allow myself to cry as often as I need to. People grieve in different ways, but we all experience the pain, the hurt, the images that will haunt us probably for the rest of our lives,(it will get a little better) the isolation, the depression, loss of direction, the anger, and the acceptance of what happened and the hope that things will be better in the future. Even my 18 year old daughter says about her granddad, Hea acting like a teenage who just broke up with his girlfriend and is in a rebound relationship. Only, his girlfriend was his wife for 54+ years. I dong want to meet her. He can live his, I can live mine. Communicating with him is like trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. Kobe bryant's death of death of her palliative care nurse for a whiskey-drinking. I never excepted her at first, but then I excepted her and things were pretty all right. My sister doesnt live here and takes my dads side cuz she didnt have to experience this like I did. The love that you have for your spouse and your children will never change. He read to her every night until she fell asleep. Before after a great degree of her death is required, ray magno. It just doesnt compute! I have tried to explain to him how I feel and I think he just gets upset and really doesnt understand. Its ok to be sad/messed up! It appears to me that your dad has been extremely lonely since your mom passed and he feels this woman has given him life again. The next morning when she was giving me the cold shoulder, i comfronted her. Thank God he finally saw through her manipulation before it was too late. My dad has also been lazy too since it. She is a horrible woman. I know in my heart of hearts, that he was thinking about my Mom and maybe might have even had second thoughts. Shes a nice person, but takes everything personally. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. Plus were were having a terrible time finding a priest. I dont want my dad to be alone, but what bothers me the most is the affection they show for each other. We all want that. Where they went, what they ate, how they laughed.so I set to trying to say the right thing and be supportive even thought I didnt like the idea of this woman. He is someone from my past and I enjoy his company very much and I love spending time with him. Its no one elses business. And kicked the dog out of his bedroom. 97,343 The three other suspicious deaths linked to My sister said it was very irritating, she could not even visit with my Dad because of this lady. Things that I feel need to stay in the family. My father got quiet, and said that they werent having a second party. However, I think it is fair to say that even if she is comfortable financially,which seems unlikely judging by her age, that an opportunity to move to the U.S or even go for an all expenses paid vacation would be seized with open hands. What a huge insight on your part, death has made you more understanding and aware, not less. All the time my husband and I spent with my parents is with with this new girlfriend. True you may carry on regardless of their pain and there is no law which says you cannot but for this failure in good judgement there will be a penalty in the shock and lack of trust that will ensue. Today is the one year anniversary of my mothers death from a 6 month battle with pancreatic cancer. His parents (mom and stepdad) were married for 25 years. This is how involved she is with her family. Her daughter came to stay when she was in hospital and then had a falling out with her mother over something. Boy was she right. Did she ever stop to consider my feelings as well. She didn't want that. My daughter is a teenager, just learning about boys and relationships and THIS is the example she gets? This has just happened to me I am bereft. After all, his needs werent being met. She felt needed and purposeful. I invited my dad so my friend could help him improve his dance skills so we could dance together. We would go over to each others houses for dinner. I bet he has no idea how this has hurt you, I am just not going to feel sorry for someone who is disliked by both her family and his. My kids were disappointed that they didnt see him that much. I comfronted her. Were you able to predict how this would feel? Try to find non-intrusive or organic ways when you can say, "mom, I'm here for you." If your father wants to be in your life, the answer to all your questions is yes. I hate the fact that someone like her came into our lives only to get what she was after for many years. They were married 6 years when Dad died. Her shoes still sit in the entry way of the house and her glasses, hand lotion and chapstick are still are her nightstand. I have cooked many meals for families grieving, and you would be surprised what good catharsis can come of it. Let me preface that by stating Im an only child and he is really the only family I have, outside of my husabnd and kids. It seems to me the concept of family and what means to really show up and fully support what your family needs is a hard thing for some people. SInce then, my dad aquired another lady. He may try to replace your mother in his life with anotherbut after that many years of marriage, he will never be able to. Ugh. You may put on a brave face but he ought to know that that is not the same as accepting her. I feel that he is not in the right frame of mind right now to even be thinking about a relationship. Kind regards Gaynor, I am in the same situation, I am the oldest of 5 children, the other 4 have diffrent views but basically they dont want to piss daddy off because they might get the treatment I am getting. It really helps me try and understand my situation. Your mother will always be your mother no matter what, and no matter who else comes into your life or your fathers life. My mom died of cancer April 2013 and then this month, July 2014, my dad got a lady friend. It doesnt feel like my mother and I are working hard that will barely see each other, its actually settling in that shes gone. Wasnt she due a little more respect than this? All bets were off when she was in the house organizing stuff. If youre fortunate enough to be able to spend time with someone leading up to their death, you can try your best to have the hard conversations. She was only 59 years old. Especially when you're going through your own grief. It makes me question my whole life growing up in our family. The #selfcare hashtag brings up over 11 million posts on, Have you ever said to yourself, I just want this moment to last forever? You can turn this sentiment into a, How do you feel now that your parent has been transitioned to a long-term care/nursing home? He would not let us grieve in our time. I finally told him after going thru everything with him, that I need time and could not go thru her stuff anymore for awhile, until my sister got here.

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