It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. Post Funeral. Keep your pet leashed, and clean up after it. Such words are of little use to someone who has just lost a loved one. When some one dies his/her jeevan will remain for ten days from the day of death at the place where aparakarmas are being performed. After bereavement, a person goes through denial, anger, bargaining, depressionand finally acceptancethese stages take time. It is proper to visit and be with the family during this time. You are lucky he went early!, I know how you feel, I was devastated when my cat died last year!. Remembering Loved Ones on Holidays, Anniversaries and Special Days Many people follow thirteen days of. It is customary to make a brief visit and spend a few moments in private prayer and then to visit with the family members. Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. Mourners customarily choose to wear simple, white clothing to the funeral, although this is not a religious requirement, and a Hindu priest usually leads the prayers. Your clear expression of sympathy and caring for your coworker is what matters the most. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. Not reading or reciting anything from the holy scriptures. Recognizing and honoring this belief means that you grasp the idea of Brahman or the universal soul. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. It's a good idea to have a friend read over your eulogy. They cannot visit the family shrine and are not allowed to enter any sacred place, such as a temple. Recalling a good deed that the person did, but the family was perhaps unaware of, can be particularly heart-warming. 24/7 +65 9135 4444 Dismiss. Such tasks can include arranging for the ambulance, delivering food, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, taking care of paperwork, keeping smaller children occupied and assisting with funeral arrangements. In Gujarati families, there is a belief that the departed soul rests on the rooftop of the house observing everything for the next 13 days. Not only is it unnecessary to bring flowers to the service, but you are expected not to bring them. Making a phone call or a visit can mean a lot during such times. Examples are I am sorry for your loss, We are here to help in any way that we can, I will check back on you tomorrow, I am just a phone call away. This may include feelings of shock, sadness, and even guilt. After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. In order to settle the estate, all outstanding bills and dues that the How To Express Sympathy: What To Say And What Weve compiled a list of things to sayand things to avoid sayingwhen A Quick Overview Of Proper Funeral Etiquette. However, they can participate in the chanting of mantras taking place thereafter. According to my calculations based on astrology, he could not have chosen a better time to die is another example of saying the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time. It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family. This link will open in a new window. For advice on choosing the best form of communication to use, see our article: How to Offer Condolences, For tips on what to say and not say to someone who has experienced a loss, see our article: How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say, Paying Final Bills, Dues, And Estate Expenses. Twitter. Think of some light, special stories about your friend. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. Accept, Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. Friends and family visit the bereaved during the period of mourning which in Hindu traditions lasts for around 13 days. It is important to identify a persons religious inclinations at the start of their care and to find out what they need when approaching the end of life. Exchange stories about your loved one. Support the family with thoughtful and appropriate Hindu sympathy meals, baskets and memorials. Similarly, theres no understanding of heaven or hell, but there is the desire to achieve Nirvana. are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. This link will open in a new window. Because of the short cremation time, there is no requirement for embalming. If you wonder what Hindu funeral traditions are like, they can be different from traditional American funerals, but the core fundamentals remain the same. It is better to dress conservatively. However, mourners can check with the funeral director or family for finding out whats appropriate for that particular funeral. Today we offer a wide range of books, online resources, training programs for all ages and topics, a weekly podcast and a selection of greeting cards and paper products. Since this is such a personal request it should be made, if at all possible, either in person or with a phone call. If you're completely overwhelmed by the prospect, and feel that you must decline, it's okay to do so. All Rights Reserved. Find Appropriate Sympathy & Condolence Baskets. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. A Hindu priest will be invited to visit and to purify the house with incense, prayers and mantra. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. Planning A Funeral In Singapore 2023 Guide - Costs, Services & Customs It's worth noting that some communities and faiths have an open casket at the visitation and at the funeral service. By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time. If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. The only exceptions to this obligation are when the expression of condolence is simply a printed form with no personal message, or when the writer asks that his or her note not be acknowledged (a thoughtful thing to do when writing a close friend, or when someone you know well will receive a great number of condolences). Instagram. Members of the immediate family aren't chosen, as their place is with the family. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. In the Southern state of Tamil Nadu, messaging can go one of two ways when losing a parent. In an attempt to get noticed by everyone, some folks have a tendency to be loud and overdo their visit. As such, this message will work for the friend who sincerely believed in the transitory nature of the body itself. Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. On the first anniversary of the death, a memorial event (shraaddha) is held to pay homage to the deceased. Work from your dream country on a remote visa, A peek into where heads of various countries reside across the globe, This Diwali, try our tasty banana pudding recipe, Heal Thy Self | Early warning signs you could be in an abusive relationship, On yoga day, Krishnaprabha is an inspiration. During times of grief, everyone wants to say or do the right thing, the loving thing, the appropriate thing, but it isn't always clear what that is. Weather conditions, circumstances and setting of the funeral, and religious and cultural traditions may affect the choices for clothing made. When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. During this period, the immediate family follows all Hindu mourning rites. Are you sure he is dead?, You are lucky you have one other child who is alive!, I used to tell her to eat less and exercise more often. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. In summary, visiting a grieving family requires good knowledge of etiquette as outlined above. There are several ways to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed, including visiting in person. I'm here for you." It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. Distant relatives and more casual friends and acquaintances may prefer visiting the family at the funeral home. Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. Please Click Here on how you can do that. All rights reserved. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. Hindu funerals usually take place within 24 hours of death. Will it be a private or open service? Loud conversation on unrelated topics. 4. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. Seeing other friends and family members at the service may prompt conversations and shared stories about the deceased, lengthening the time of the visit. When writing sympathy cards for Hindu loved ones, geography plays a vital role. Your sister was a beautiful person. (n.d.). If a family member has persistent trouble sleeping, help must be summoned. Deciding to stop by at a funeral on the way to a wedding, therefore, can be suicidal. generalized educational content about wills. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." Thats why cremation is preferred. Where are we meeting for lunch today?, How was the movie last night?, Whats the score? are typical blunders that happen, which impart an uncaring celebratory tone to the visit. Usage of any form or other service on our website is The body usually remains at home until it is taken to the place where it will be cremated. of an actual attorney. JavaScript is disabled. Take a look. When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. Though a useful principle to follow universally, it is most handy while visiting the bereaved. Various worldwide locations connote different customs and norms. During this time, because the family of the deceased is considered impure, they are bound by several rules of behavior. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one, visiting the bereaved in person is a thoughtful way to convey the deepest sympathy and offer support. Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply. Are you sure you want to Unsubscribe from Malayala Manorama News letter/ Alert. I will be attending the funeral of a Hindu colleague. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. people will avoid going to the deceased house. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. Everyone has to wear white, including the family members and guests. Sit down at your desk as soon as you hear of the death and let your thoughts be with your coworker as you write to her. Mourners dress, eat, and behave austerely during the ten to thirty days after the death and before the shraddha ceremony. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Appropriate Days to visit the bereaved family While visiting the bereaved, our focus should remain completely on the departed, and the grieving family. If you didn't know him, you could mention something special you've heard about him. While silence is perfectly acceptable, a few well-chosen, soft words of comfort can help ease the pain. advice. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. 6. May God guide your sons soul to attain the right path. What is The Difference of All Soul's & All Saint's Day? | Blog Following are a collection of questions and answers about bereavement to help guide you during difficult times. Make a list of all the ways your loved one enriched . We loved her as our class teacher, she meant so much for all of us.. It is appropriate to visit the bereaved before the shraddha ceremony and attend the service. 1. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. This depends on personal preferences. It is also appropriate inHindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. While visiting, people tend to get drawn into conversations unrelated to the bereavement, at times even catching up on gossip. Unfortunately, while social topics like table manners get discussed at home or at school, most of us have not received any formal training on this sombre topic. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. It is typical for the family to decorate the house with icons of saints, burning incense and a single candle memorializing the deceased. Light a memorial candle at the table or for several hours on a special day. The word hearty means happy and should not be confused with heart-felt. There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. Your father was a wise man. Today, many take their ashes to a nearby place to their home. forms. There is often an emphasis on white flowers. Bereavement support organisations for all faiths, Useful bereavement resources for health and care professionals, Useful Good Thinking bereavement resources for all faiths. It is also appropriate in Hindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed. If we are not familiar with the deceaseds family, it is better to introduce ourselves and verify the identity of key family members before proceeding to offer condolences. In such situations too, it is helpful to remember that no hospital would knowingly do anything that could harm the patient. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. Hindu Funeral Customs and Rituals - Legacy.com 5. Theyre good people inside and out, living a life marked with joy and fulfillment. is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level. However, the following brief and simple condolences will let the grieving family know you care: We are sober, we are really sad about his sudden departure, May the Creator accept our prayers on his behalf. The traditions and rites of Hindu funerals may vary. The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. Gifts of Condolence | eCondolence.com This is made worse when people pick the phone up and start talking at the top of their voice as though they were at a party. Customs vary by tradition, but are conducted by a local priest and involve prayers, scripture readings and chanting. However, you may send or bring flowers ahead of time. (1995). It is customary to visit within 10 days the family of the person who passed away. When attending a senior persons funeral, enquiring publicly about the age of the deceased is inappropriate, whereas nodding in approval of the stated age is downright rude. New threads and replies may not be made here. During this period, the close relatives of the deceased person abstain from celebrations and . Keep your friend informed and get her feedback. I am sorry for your loss. During subsequent visits, suggestions can be offered, but only when sought by the family. There are almost never any honorary pallbearers at the funeral of a Christian woman, but at a Jewish funeral both men and women may have honorary pallbearers. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. Traditionally, the Hindu mourning period ranges from 10 to 30 days. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. Some illnesses are so severe that the body would succumb despite doctors doing their best. However, they include prayers, rice balls and flowers are arranged around the body, a lamp is kept near the bodys head, food is offered, and water is sprinkled over the body. She'll let you know, when you ask, whether or not she wants to see you and or needs anything. There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). She may depend on you entirely or she may wish to participate in the planning and have you take care of the details. One of the worst bloopers and a bane of modern technology when not done right, taking unsolicited photographs is a total no-no at a home where death has just occurred. The family may return to work following the thirteen-day period of mourning. Is there a member of the clergy or other person she has in mind for performing the service? Everyone one of us was inspired simply by knowing Avindash. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a sympathy note after losing a friend. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online I remember how she encouraged me to get good grades and once even offered me a ride home after school. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. This link will open in a new window. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. Surinder taught his children to live with intent and to be good ancestors. Women need to dress conservatively with knees and arms covered. While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one. However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and When offering sympathy messages to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. Check out some ways to incorporate this idea when offering condolences for a partner or spouse. Upon learning of the death of a family member, friend or colleague, it is common to contact a member of the family to express condolences and offer help and assistance. Hindu Rituals for Death and Grief - Beliefnet In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. At a funeral, either the casket is carried by professionals provided by the funeral home, in which case the honorary pallbearers follow, two by two, or they flank the casket, as it is wheeled down the aisle. Ultimately, Hindus believe that through praxis, accumulation of good karma, and divine grace, moksha (liberation) can be achieved after death. Her startling determination to do exactly the opposite, was amazing.". Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online It is also appropriate to visit the home of the family to offer comfort and support. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: So, the actual funeral takes place at the deceaseds home, although actual events can be considered a wake according to western standards because of its short span. India Today Web Desk, I. Another option is to ask a close relative or friend to write some notes on your behalf. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service https://www.learnreligions.com/healing-words-for-tragic-times-1770148. Hinduism: Periods of Mourning | eCondolence.com As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. Visiting in Person | Condolences | eCondolence.com We hope her journey is comforted by Lord Krishna (or Lord Rama). Candles and flowers decorate the wake , as well as the funeral service and the burial ground. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. During the weeks and months of loneliness that follow, especially after the crowds disperse, the bereaved person might feel that the world is avoiding them. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. 15. Please accept my condolences for your loss. Food will be served following the ceremony. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. As hard as it can be to believe, some overly curious visitors have the tendency to interrogate the family about the cause of death. To this end, even a simple note will suffice. This link will open in a new window. Hindu death rituals involve chanting of certain mantras, which are written especially to be chanted at funerals. Unless we actively keep our phones in silent mode, a loud and abrupt musical ringtone tearing through the silence can be quite unsettling during the visit. 13. Simple condolences are universally acceptable. Good behaviours while visiting the bereaved. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. Likewise, the person who passes an ugly remark at a solemn family function might not even realise what he said or did was hurtful. What to Write in a Sympathy Card for a Hindu | Cake Blog Do You Take Flowers to a Hindu Funeral? - Synonym In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. The truth is, each family is unique, and a visitor will have little idea about the actual pains that the family went through to keep the person healthy and alive. It is customary and appropriate to visit the family at home, especially during the days following the funeral. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. Caring for someone who is dying involves looking after their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. subject to our Terms of Use. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as speed is the best and appropriate choice. In fact, unless we are absolutely certain of the familys religious and spiritual convictions, it is better to avoid the topic altogether, and give them some space instead. The world of Emily Post etiquette advice is at your fingertips. Determining the best time to contact the bereaved generally depends on your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died. At the point of acute loss, the person will be numb and will not be able to listen to long lectures and suggestions by visitors. We often hear people say things like Dont be sad, Dont cry, It is all for good, I know how you feel, He is in a better place now in an attempt to provide comfort. This is an important death ritual, which usually takes place throughout the mourning period. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit.
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